Post by Secondesign on Nov 8, 2007 18:59:52 GMT -5
Robert Tonge
Characters:
KIRK
BILL
POLICEMAN
Setting:
As curtain rises, we see the main room of the apartment that is accessed by the front door. In the back of the room is a big window, where the light shines in illuminating the room, that has a view of a beach and rolling waves. In the center of the room is a fancy table with two expensive chairs. To the right of the table is a sofa that faces the right wall where a 50 inch big screen TV hangs on the wall. Left is a neatly organized kitchen with what appears to be the remains of half a sandwich. There is also a worn blue phone on the kitchen counter.
Upon the sofa BILL is relaxing as he finishes half of a peanut butter sandwich. He is abruptly startled at the entrance of Kirk, who enters the room with a coat slung over his shoulder, and is shocked to find BILL sitting on the sofa.
KIRK (a quarrelsome lawyer graduated from Harvard): Who the hell are you!? (Tosses coat on to a table chair.)
BILL (a middle aged, rich, and easily confused man): What?! Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?
(SCENE: BILL finishes he sandwich with a quick swallow and adjusts himself into a sitting position on the sofa.)(SOUND: He licks his lips and the roof of his mouth)
KIRK (annoyed): I clearly asked you first!
BILL: Now who are you?
KIRK: I am Kirk and as for what I am doing in “your” apartment, it is I who should be asking you that question. (SCENE: He makes a gesture of quotation marks when speaking your.)
BILL: What?
KIRK: You are in the wrong apartment. Yours must be a floor down from mine. I’ve never seen you on this level before.
BILL (confused, points at objects around the room): Um… you must be mistaken; I have lived here for years. You see here, that TV on the wall, that is mine. I have owned it for several years and watch it daily. Over there, on the counter, I use that exact phone almost every day that …
KIRK (interrupts annoyed): Yes yes. I am sure that you do just that.
BILL (continues): I have worn some of the color off the handle.
KIRK: Ah but you see you are mistaken. Are you so certain that your phone is really blue? I know I am and so is my whole floor. You see, this floor comes standard with blue phones and the floor below us, your floor, uses red phones.
BILL (confounded): Err… I bought the phone… at least I think I bought the phone. Yes that’s right I bought the phone.
KIRK: Perhaps you did buy a phone and perhaps you did not but this phone here, it is my phone. You aren’t even certain that you did buy a phone are you Bill? What store did you buy it from if you bought a phone?
BILL: Um… I think it was Wal-Mart.
KIRK (triumphantly): Aha! This phone is Target brand, not Wal-Mart. You see, this apartment complex buys phones from Target and buys different colors for each floor so each floor will have a slightly different distinction. However I must point out, it is not much of difference in distinction. These apartments all look exactly the same. The apartment below will have this exact same format.
(SCENE: BILL gets up and moves to the TV.)
BILL: But then explain this TV, surely TV’s like this don’t come standard and I did buy this brand! A 50 inch thin screen TV!
KIRK: There is only one electronics store around and they sell that brand of TV. I bought one myself and you clearly bought one just like it but this is not your TV for this is not your apartment now is it. Tell me what year is that TV? You can’t can you? It was made in 2005 and that is the year I bought mine. I recall you stated that you bought yours a few years back. Your thin screen will not have HD as this one does and yours will not be a 2005 being it is 2006!
(SCENE: BILL now has doubts and sits back on the sofa. His face is puzzled and he has one knee up with a foot on the sofa as he faces KIRK.)
BILL: How can you be so sure?
KIRK (rueful): I am a Harvard man. We always are sure.
BILL (stands and moves to the remaining half of a sandwich): You see this bread and this sandwich? I bought the peanut butter a few days ago and just now made myself a sandwich a bit before you came in.
KIRK: So?
BILL: Smell the peanut butter, it is fresh. Did you buy a peanut butter a few days ago? I doubt that!
KIRK: Why no but I did buy that type of bread last week and this bread does not smell fresh. Now, we all know you can tell if bread smells fresh but can you really tell if peanut butter smells fresh? What is the distinction? Peanut butter smells like peanut butter no matter how fresh it is. The brand looks like Jiffy and I buy that brand, notice the little peanuts. Do you buy Jiffy?
BILL: Well… not usually but…
KIRK: See! You do not buy Jiffy brand peanut butter. This is not your apartment. There is no evidence proving that it is your apartment now you will leave.
BILL (has doubt): I suppose it is possible I went a floor up too high…
KIRK (interrupts): Which you did.
BILL: but why don’t we go to the bedroom and check the clothes.
(SCENE: BILL starts heading for the bedroom but KIRK grabs his arm.)
KIRK: Sit down man. You know this isn’t your apartment. Checking the bedroom will only prove that to you. I do not need to see the proof, I already know it.
BILL: What if you’re wrong?
KIRK (arrogantly): I am never wrong. You see, I’m a lawyer; I have done hundreds of cases and been correct in them all!
BILL: As you have done hundreds of cases so have I lived here for many years!
KIRK: In an apartment like this one yes but not this one.
BILL: It is this one! I can feel it, now if you’d just go check the bedroom or perhaps the number outside the door.
KIRK: Feel? You cannot possibly feel whether one apartment is yours or another like yours.
BILL: But you can.
KIRK: In all my years I have never heard such a shabby defense as yours! Feel!
(SCENE: KIRK takes a seat by the table while he laughs at the idea.)
BILL (angry): Then tell me, what was the apartment number?! Or did you even look when you barged in my apartment?!
KIRK: Why of course I did! I saw the number when I came in.
BILL: What was the number? I bet it was 1057.
KIRK: No you are wrong; it was 1157, the one directly above 1057.
BILL (surprised): What?!
KIRK: Aha! See you are in the wrong apartment!
BILL: That can’t possibly be right. I remember seeing 1057 when I came in.
KIRK: You must’ve seen what you thought was 1057 but was actually 1157.
(SCENE: BILL takes the seat opposite of KIRK)
BILL: Then… then how do you account for this?
(SCENE: BILL flips over the table cloth revealing writing.)
KIRK: Oh?
BILL: See here man! It says “The property of Bill”!
(SCENE: KIRK examines the cloth.)
KIRK (composed): Why indeed it does say that; however, I do not own a table cloth for my table. Perhaps you brought this with you as you thought to yourself you’d like a sandwich? I do see it is dated as bought today. You did buy this today didn’t you?
BILL: Yes I did, at Wal-Mart.
KIRK: Oh yes, Wal-Mart where you had thought you bought the phone. Which Wal-Mart did you say it was?
BILL: I didn’t.
KIRK: Are you saying you can’t remember which Wal-Mart you bought this from?
BILL: I didn’t say that at all. It is from the Wal-Mart down on Oak Avenue.
(SCENE: KIRK ponders and taps his fingers on the table. Prods the tablecloth and finds it to be sandy.)
KIRK: Ah yes I recall there is a Wal-Mart there. When did you buy this today, in the morning no doubt.
BILL: Yes, early this morning.
KIRK: Could you be more specific?
BILL: I’d say around nine. No wait, nine thirty would be the time.
KIRK: I leave for my office at six o’clock promptly and then return here for lunch. When I leave I keep my door unlocked for my return so I may quickly grab a sandwich and an update on the baseball game. When do you wake up?
BILL: What is with all these random questions?
KIRK: I am assembling more data to show to you your error of mistaking my apartment as your apartment.
BILL: I do not see how these questions will help you when you are wrong!
KIRK: You will see in time now please answer the question. At what time did you wake up this morning?
BILL: I awoke around eight.
KIRK: And you went to bed when?
BILL: It was after the Red Sox game. Err… I believe it ended after midnight after the game went into overtime, yes after the Red Sox lost in the 10th inning.
KIRK: I see. So when you awoke you were no doubt groggy.
BILL: Yes a bit, but breakfast usually gets rid of that.
KIRK: Oh? Did it this morning?
BILL: I think so… it’s kind of hard to remember. My mornings all seem so similar.
KIRK: Besides going to Wal-Mart.
BILL: Yeah, besides that. Now will you explain the purpose of these questions?
KIRK: In due time, in due time. So hours after I had awoken you woke up and had a typical morning until you went to Wal-Mart for the sole purpose of buying a tablecloth?
BILL (embarrassed): Why no… I also bought myself… some video games.
KIRK: Video games? That is very interesting. Then you left Wal-Mart; at what time would you say you left?
BILL: After Wal-Mart I headed straight back to my apartment.
KIRK: Your apartment?
BILL (flustered): Yes my apartment!
KIRK: This was when?
BILL: I arrived at my apartment at around ten and dropped off the video games throwing them on the table and took the tablecloth with me.
KIRK: To the beach perhaps?
BILL: Yes the beach. I used it to lie down on so my arms wouldn’t get sandy.
KIRK: Why not a blanket?
BILL: I had to rush or I’d be late.
KIRK: Late?
BILL: I always am on the beach at ten thirty.
KIRK: When did you leave the beach?
BILL: I left the beach to return here about eleven fifteen I’d say.
KIRK (raises one eyebrow): So you probably get back at eleven forty five then and made yourself a sandwich after setting your tablecloth neatly upon the table?
BILL: I suppose so.
KIRK: When you returned, think carefully, did you only make yourself a sandwich and sit down on the sofa? Did you ever get up and do anything before I arrived at twelve?
BILL (ponders): I don’t think so… no I am pretty sure that’s all I’ve been doing until you barged in.
KIRK: I find this very interesting. You get up, groggy, and go to Wal-Mart to buy a new tablecloth and video games. Then you return home to leave your video games on the table, rush out to the beach with the tablecloth that is clearly yours and then return to the apartments where you make yourself a sandwich and sit upon the sofa until I arrive. You failed to mention anything there about the video games. Looking at the table where your tablecloth is I see no video games. You did not mention moving them off the table or putting them away somewhere but promptly was able to set your tablecloth neatly on the table. Perhaps the video games fell off the table to the floor. Do you see them on the floor anywhere?
(SCENE: BILL, now ghastly white, looks around the floor searching for his video games or a Wal-Mart bag.)
BILL: Why err… um…
KIRK: I do not even see a Wal-Mart bag. Perhaps in your groggy state you forgot that you put them away, but you stated that you usually recover from this state due to breakfast. You stated it was hard to tell because your mornings all seem familiar but this morning you said was different so that makes no sense. How could you forget putting away some video games when you couldn’t possibly be groggy or forgetful from an abnormal day as your own statements surmise?! The only answer is that you are in the wrong apartment! Perhaps you do not even own an apartment but are a criminal, albeit a stupid one, who searches apartments for unlocked doors in order to steal their food and valuables and that your whole tale is a lie? Of course there is only one thing to do! (SCENE: KIRK starts to rise.)
BILL (aghast): But I’m not! I… I do have an apartment! I must have mistaken myself!
KIRK: Perhaps and perhaps not. Stay seated as I call the police.
(SCENE: KIRK dials the police and demands that they come over to the apartment to take BILL away as BILL sits on the chair and looks around the room wildly.)
BILL: But… but can’t a guy forget.
(SCENE: The POLICEMAN arrives and nearly goes up another floor but KIRK calls him over into the apartment demanding that he hurry up.)
POLICEMAN (tired, annoyed): Ugh, I almost went up another floor.
KIRK: Seems to be a common mistake.
BILL (in a trance): But I couldn’t be wrong…
KIRK: This man here broke into my apartment!
BILL: The door… unlocked… I unlocked it I am sure of it…
POLICEMAN (stares at BILL): Could have been an honest mistake. (annoyed, he mutters) This better not be a waste of my time.
KIRK: He stole food from me and may have been planning to steal my personal items!
POLICEMAN: Did he steal anything?
KIRK: Nothing other then food that I know of for certain.
POLICEMAN (to BILL): What did you take?
BILL (coming back to reality): I … I made myself a peanut butter sandwich and ate half of that, but… but you must know that this may not be his apartment at all. I could have been mistaken… I could’ve…
(SCENE: The POLICEMAN jots down information on a pad he pulls out of his pocket for a few minutes.)
POLICEMAN (to KIRK): So, you believe this is your apartment?
KIRK: There can be no doubt. The apartments are similar and from the story I gathered from Bill, he supposedly lives here and mistook this apartment as his own after going to Wal-Mart and the beach. Also all the items in this room are my own, the TV, the phone, and the view from the window is recognizable as my own. The phone color, all phones being from the same store and the same color for each floor, matches the color I am used to when compared to Bill’s.
POLICEMAN: Bill, you believe this apartment is yours?
BILL: Yes I do think it is mine.
POLICEMAN: Could you be mistaken?
BILL: It is possible but I… I don’t think so… how could I mistake that. I have lived here for so long and am here all the time how could I make such a mistake… but yes it is possible.
POLICEMAN: There can be only one question for me to ask the two of you. What apartment do you live in? By this I mean what is your apartment number?
KIRK: It is 1157, the same as this room.
BILL: My apartment is 1057.
POLICEMAN: Mhm. (SCENE: He nods and jots some more on his pad and then looks up after several minutes.) I am sorry Kirk but you are the one who is mistaken.
(SCENE: KIRK is taken with surprise and appears to start a mounted defense and BILL looks up and smiles.)
KIRK: Impossible!
POLICEMAN: Go and look for yourself. When I came in I nearly went up another floor until you called me over. At first I presumed I had just missed the room but when I saw the number was 1057 I knew something was wrong. You, Kirk, said 1157 on the phone and being a man from Harvard and a lawyer there cannot possibly be any way you would not recognize your own apartment number. That is data such as you would collect in one of your cases. This apartment is 1057 and Bill, if you want, you may press charges on the grounds of domestic disturbance.
BILL (happy, triumphant): Aha! I was right all along! This is my apartment! You made such a convincing argument I almost believed you but you were wrong! You would have pressed charges on me but I won’t press charges on you. It was just an honest mistake Kirk, anyone could do that.
POLICEMAN: I suppose this wasn’t a waste after all, it’ll make a good laugh back at the station.
(SCENE: The POLICEMAN leaves the apartment and KIRK follows afterwards with a look of anger and shame in his face, and CURTAIN FALLS.)
Characters:
KIRK
BILL
POLICEMAN
Setting:
As curtain rises, we see the main room of the apartment that is accessed by the front door. In the back of the room is a big window, where the light shines in illuminating the room, that has a view of a beach and rolling waves. In the center of the room is a fancy table with two expensive chairs. To the right of the table is a sofa that faces the right wall where a 50 inch big screen TV hangs on the wall. Left is a neatly organized kitchen with what appears to be the remains of half a sandwich. There is also a worn blue phone on the kitchen counter.
Upon the sofa BILL is relaxing as he finishes half of a peanut butter sandwich. He is abruptly startled at the entrance of Kirk, who enters the room with a coat slung over his shoulder, and is shocked to find BILL sitting on the sofa.
KIRK (a quarrelsome lawyer graduated from Harvard): Who the hell are you!? (Tosses coat on to a table chair.)
BILL (a middle aged, rich, and easily confused man): What?! Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?
(SCENE: BILL finishes he sandwich with a quick swallow and adjusts himself into a sitting position on the sofa.)(SOUND: He licks his lips and the roof of his mouth)
KIRK (annoyed): I clearly asked you first!
BILL: Now who are you?
KIRK: I am Kirk and as for what I am doing in “your” apartment, it is I who should be asking you that question. (SCENE: He makes a gesture of quotation marks when speaking your.)
BILL: What?
KIRK: You are in the wrong apartment. Yours must be a floor down from mine. I’ve never seen you on this level before.
BILL (confused, points at objects around the room): Um… you must be mistaken; I have lived here for years. You see here, that TV on the wall, that is mine. I have owned it for several years and watch it daily. Over there, on the counter, I use that exact phone almost every day that …
KIRK (interrupts annoyed): Yes yes. I am sure that you do just that.
BILL (continues): I have worn some of the color off the handle.
KIRK: Ah but you see you are mistaken. Are you so certain that your phone is really blue? I know I am and so is my whole floor. You see, this floor comes standard with blue phones and the floor below us, your floor, uses red phones.
BILL (confounded): Err… I bought the phone… at least I think I bought the phone. Yes that’s right I bought the phone.
KIRK: Perhaps you did buy a phone and perhaps you did not but this phone here, it is my phone. You aren’t even certain that you did buy a phone are you Bill? What store did you buy it from if you bought a phone?
BILL: Um… I think it was Wal-Mart.
KIRK (triumphantly): Aha! This phone is Target brand, not Wal-Mart. You see, this apartment complex buys phones from Target and buys different colors for each floor so each floor will have a slightly different distinction. However I must point out, it is not much of difference in distinction. These apartments all look exactly the same. The apartment below will have this exact same format.
(SCENE: BILL gets up and moves to the TV.)
BILL: But then explain this TV, surely TV’s like this don’t come standard and I did buy this brand! A 50 inch thin screen TV!
KIRK: There is only one electronics store around and they sell that brand of TV. I bought one myself and you clearly bought one just like it but this is not your TV for this is not your apartment now is it. Tell me what year is that TV? You can’t can you? It was made in 2005 and that is the year I bought mine. I recall you stated that you bought yours a few years back. Your thin screen will not have HD as this one does and yours will not be a 2005 being it is 2006!
(SCENE: BILL now has doubts and sits back on the sofa. His face is puzzled and he has one knee up with a foot on the sofa as he faces KIRK.)
BILL: How can you be so sure?
KIRK (rueful): I am a Harvard man. We always are sure.
BILL (stands and moves to the remaining half of a sandwich): You see this bread and this sandwich? I bought the peanut butter a few days ago and just now made myself a sandwich a bit before you came in.
KIRK: So?
BILL: Smell the peanut butter, it is fresh. Did you buy a peanut butter a few days ago? I doubt that!
KIRK: Why no but I did buy that type of bread last week and this bread does not smell fresh. Now, we all know you can tell if bread smells fresh but can you really tell if peanut butter smells fresh? What is the distinction? Peanut butter smells like peanut butter no matter how fresh it is. The brand looks like Jiffy and I buy that brand, notice the little peanuts. Do you buy Jiffy?
BILL: Well… not usually but…
KIRK: See! You do not buy Jiffy brand peanut butter. This is not your apartment. There is no evidence proving that it is your apartment now you will leave.
BILL (has doubt): I suppose it is possible I went a floor up too high…
KIRK (interrupts): Which you did.
BILL: but why don’t we go to the bedroom and check the clothes.
(SCENE: BILL starts heading for the bedroom but KIRK grabs his arm.)
KIRK: Sit down man. You know this isn’t your apartment. Checking the bedroom will only prove that to you. I do not need to see the proof, I already know it.
BILL: What if you’re wrong?
KIRK (arrogantly): I am never wrong. You see, I’m a lawyer; I have done hundreds of cases and been correct in them all!
BILL: As you have done hundreds of cases so have I lived here for many years!
KIRK: In an apartment like this one yes but not this one.
BILL: It is this one! I can feel it, now if you’d just go check the bedroom or perhaps the number outside the door.
KIRK: Feel? You cannot possibly feel whether one apartment is yours or another like yours.
BILL: But you can.
KIRK: In all my years I have never heard such a shabby defense as yours! Feel!
(SCENE: KIRK takes a seat by the table while he laughs at the idea.)
BILL (angry): Then tell me, what was the apartment number?! Or did you even look when you barged in my apartment?!
KIRK: Why of course I did! I saw the number when I came in.
BILL: What was the number? I bet it was 1057.
KIRK: No you are wrong; it was 1157, the one directly above 1057.
BILL (surprised): What?!
KIRK: Aha! See you are in the wrong apartment!
BILL: That can’t possibly be right. I remember seeing 1057 when I came in.
KIRK: You must’ve seen what you thought was 1057 but was actually 1157.
(SCENE: BILL takes the seat opposite of KIRK)
BILL: Then… then how do you account for this?
(SCENE: BILL flips over the table cloth revealing writing.)
KIRK: Oh?
BILL: See here man! It says “The property of Bill”!
(SCENE: KIRK examines the cloth.)
KIRK (composed): Why indeed it does say that; however, I do not own a table cloth for my table. Perhaps you brought this with you as you thought to yourself you’d like a sandwich? I do see it is dated as bought today. You did buy this today didn’t you?
BILL: Yes I did, at Wal-Mart.
KIRK: Oh yes, Wal-Mart where you had thought you bought the phone. Which Wal-Mart did you say it was?
BILL: I didn’t.
KIRK: Are you saying you can’t remember which Wal-Mart you bought this from?
BILL: I didn’t say that at all. It is from the Wal-Mart down on Oak Avenue.
(SCENE: KIRK ponders and taps his fingers on the table. Prods the tablecloth and finds it to be sandy.)
KIRK: Ah yes I recall there is a Wal-Mart there. When did you buy this today, in the morning no doubt.
BILL: Yes, early this morning.
KIRK: Could you be more specific?
BILL: I’d say around nine. No wait, nine thirty would be the time.
KIRK: I leave for my office at six o’clock promptly and then return here for lunch. When I leave I keep my door unlocked for my return so I may quickly grab a sandwich and an update on the baseball game. When do you wake up?
BILL: What is with all these random questions?
KIRK: I am assembling more data to show to you your error of mistaking my apartment as your apartment.
BILL: I do not see how these questions will help you when you are wrong!
KIRK: You will see in time now please answer the question. At what time did you wake up this morning?
BILL: I awoke around eight.
KIRK: And you went to bed when?
BILL: It was after the Red Sox game. Err… I believe it ended after midnight after the game went into overtime, yes after the Red Sox lost in the 10th inning.
KIRK: I see. So when you awoke you were no doubt groggy.
BILL: Yes a bit, but breakfast usually gets rid of that.
KIRK: Oh? Did it this morning?
BILL: I think so… it’s kind of hard to remember. My mornings all seem so similar.
KIRK: Besides going to Wal-Mart.
BILL: Yeah, besides that. Now will you explain the purpose of these questions?
KIRK: In due time, in due time. So hours after I had awoken you woke up and had a typical morning until you went to Wal-Mart for the sole purpose of buying a tablecloth?
BILL (embarrassed): Why no… I also bought myself… some video games.
KIRK: Video games? That is very interesting. Then you left Wal-Mart; at what time would you say you left?
BILL: After Wal-Mart I headed straight back to my apartment.
KIRK: Your apartment?
BILL (flustered): Yes my apartment!
KIRK: This was when?
BILL: I arrived at my apartment at around ten and dropped off the video games throwing them on the table and took the tablecloth with me.
KIRK: To the beach perhaps?
BILL: Yes the beach. I used it to lie down on so my arms wouldn’t get sandy.
KIRK: Why not a blanket?
BILL: I had to rush or I’d be late.
KIRK: Late?
BILL: I always am on the beach at ten thirty.
KIRK: When did you leave the beach?
BILL: I left the beach to return here about eleven fifteen I’d say.
KIRK (raises one eyebrow): So you probably get back at eleven forty five then and made yourself a sandwich after setting your tablecloth neatly upon the table?
BILL: I suppose so.
KIRK: When you returned, think carefully, did you only make yourself a sandwich and sit down on the sofa? Did you ever get up and do anything before I arrived at twelve?
BILL (ponders): I don’t think so… no I am pretty sure that’s all I’ve been doing until you barged in.
KIRK: I find this very interesting. You get up, groggy, and go to Wal-Mart to buy a new tablecloth and video games. Then you return home to leave your video games on the table, rush out to the beach with the tablecloth that is clearly yours and then return to the apartments where you make yourself a sandwich and sit upon the sofa until I arrive. You failed to mention anything there about the video games. Looking at the table where your tablecloth is I see no video games. You did not mention moving them off the table or putting them away somewhere but promptly was able to set your tablecloth neatly on the table. Perhaps the video games fell off the table to the floor. Do you see them on the floor anywhere?
(SCENE: BILL, now ghastly white, looks around the floor searching for his video games or a Wal-Mart bag.)
BILL: Why err… um…
KIRK: I do not even see a Wal-Mart bag. Perhaps in your groggy state you forgot that you put them away, but you stated that you usually recover from this state due to breakfast. You stated it was hard to tell because your mornings all seem familiar but this morning you said was different so that makes no sense. How could you forget putting away some video games when you couldn’t possibly be groggy or forgetful from an abnormal day as your own statements surmise?! The only answer is that you are in the wrong apartment! Perhaps you do not even own an apartment but are a criminal, albeit a stupid one, who searches apartments for unlocked doors in order to steal their food and valuables and that your whole tale is a lie? Of course there is only one thing to do! (SCENE: KIRK starts to rise.)
BILL (aghast): But I’m not! I… I do have an apartment! I must have mistaken myself!
KIRK: Perhaps and perhaps not. Stay seated as I call the police.
(SCENE: KIRK dials the police and demands that they come over to the apartment to take BILL away as BILL sits on the chair and looks around the room wildly.)
BILL: But… but can’t a guy forget.
(SCENE: The POLICEMAN arrives and nearly goes up another floor but KIRK calls him over into the apartment demanding that he hurry up.)
POLICEMAN (tired, annoyed): Ugh, I almost went up another floor.
KIRK: Seems to be a common mistake.
BILL (in a trance): But I couldn’t be wrong…
KIRK: This man here broke into my apartment!
BILL: The door… unlocked… I unlocked it I am sure of it…
POLICEMAN (stares at BILL): Could have been an honest mistake. (annoyed, he mutters) This better not be a waste of my time.
KIRK: He stole food from me and may have been planning to steal my personal items!
POLICEMAN: Did he steal anything?
KIRK: Nothing other then food that I know of for certain.
POLICEMAN (to BILL): What did you take?
BILL (coming back to reality): I … I made myself a peanut butter sandwich and ate half of that, but… but you must know that this may not be his apartment at all. I could have been mistaken… I could’ve…
(SCENE: The POLICEMAN jots down information on a pad he pulls out of his pocket for a few minutes.)
POLICEMAN (to KIRK): So, you believe this is your apartment?
KIRK: There can be no doubt. The apartments are similar and from the story I gathered from Bill, he supposedly lives here and mistook this apartment as his own after going to Wal-Mart and the beach. Also all the items in this room are my own, the TV, the phone, and the view from the window is recognizable as my own. The phone color, all phones being from the same store and the same color for each floor, matches the color I am used to when compared to Bill’s.
POLICEMAN: Bill, you believe this apartment is yours?
BILL: Yes I do think it is mine.
POLICEMAN: Could you be mistaken?
BILL: It is possible but I… I don’t think so… how could I mistake that. I have lived here for so long and am here all the time how could I make such a mistake… but yes it is possible.
POLICEMAN: There can be only one question for me to ask the two of you. What apartment do you live in? By this I mean what is your apartment number?
KIRK: It is 1157, the same as this room.
BILL: My apartment is 1057.
POLICEMAN: Mhm. (SCENE: He nods and jots some more on his pad and then looks up after several minutes.) I am sorry Kirk but you are the one who is mistaken.
(SCENE: KIRK is taken with surprise and appears to start a mounted defense and BILL looks up and smiles.)
KIRK: Impossible!
POLICEMAN: Go and look for yourself. When I came in I nearly went up another floor until you called me over. At first I presumed I had just missed the room but when I saw the number was 1057 I knew something was wrong. You, Kirk, said 1157 on the phone and being a man from Harvard and a lawyer there cannot possibly be any way you would not recognize your own apartment number. That is data such as you would collect in one of your cases. This apartment is 1057 and Bill, if you want, you may press charges on the grounds of domestic disturbance.
BILL (happy, triumphant): Aha! I was right all along! This is my apartment! You made such a convincing argument I almost believed you but you were wrong! You would have pressed charges on me but I won’t press charges on you. It was just an honest mistake Kirk, anyone could do that.
POLICEMAN: I suppose this wasn’t a waste after all, it’ll make a good laugh back at the station.
(SCENE: The POLICEMAN leaves the apartment and KIRK follows afterwards with a look of anger and shame in his face, and CURTAIN FALLS.)
